It is the Most Family Thanksgiving Movie. House of Gucci is not for children.

Ridley Scott’s House of Gucci is receiving uniformly rave reviews.  Particularly the performance of Lady Gaga. Rather than post one of those reviews I am giving you the innovative take from the Vulture.

Excerpted from Vulture – New York Magazine – 11.24.2021 Jackson McHenry

In the Gucci family, according to the film House of Gucci, there are many cherished traditions, most of which involve spending a lot of time caring for the fancy Tuscan cows that form the basis of their leatherworking empire and betraying each other.

This year, if you are engaging in this standard American family Thanksgiving activity, you might once again be in need of a film to all watch together. There are a good number of options this year — but I have determined that, empirically, House of Gucci is the most Family Thanksgiving Movie out there. Is it a good movie? Who knows! That’s not the point. But I promise that it is guaranteed to serve this purpose well.

The movie is two hours and 37 minutes long! You might think this is a point against it, because maybe some family members will get bored and fall asleep, but this is actually great for a Family Thanksgiving Movie. You’ve already killed so much of the evening watching the movie together (less time to bicker about other things) and avoided those crucial after-dinner lulls where someone might say something like, “What do you all think about the state of the American political experiment?” Or worse: “Are you dating anyone right now?”

Reason 2: House of Gucci has an actor everyone can talk about.

A crucial part of any family movie discussion is when everyone gets to share where they saw an actor previously and nod sagely while they discuss how their performances compared. Younger generations can talk about Tisch alumna Lady Gaga (as she is famously credited in a season-three episode of Gossip Girl), older generations can talk about Pacino and Jeremy Irons, too-online children can say that they want Adam Driver to step on their face, moms who watched Call My Agent! can say it’s nice that Camille Cottin shows up briefly, and weird cousins can discuss the merits of Jared Leto, cinema’s weirdest cousin.

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Lady Gaga portrays Patrizia Reggiani

Reason 3: House of Gucci has accents everyone can talk about.

There is nothing more fun than being an armchair expert about the accents of movie stars. Are they good? Are they bad? Are they damaging to the status of Italians in the media? Should Ridley Scott have just shot the movie in Italian? Everyone can weigh in!

Reason 4: House of Gucci will make you all have to Wikipedia things.

You’re guaranteed to get at least another hour out of looking up various plot points like “Is Salma Hayek’s psychic character real?” (yes) and “What did Tom Ford do at Gucci” (design G-strings) and “Lake Como home how expensive” (very expensive).

Reason 5: House of Gucci is not for children.

Actually, this is somewhat of a downside if your family has a lot of children, but in that case, assign them some teenage cousin chaperone, send them off to Encanto (fun songs!), and then stick with Gucci for the adults. There’s a whole sex scene on a desk that is quite vigorous! Again, maybe you consider that a downside, but personally I believe Family Thanksgiving Movies are better when they’re a little scandalous. Gives everyone a little something to grumble and titter about.

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Maurizio Gucci after his murder March 27, 1995

Reason 6: House of Gucci is about the essential rot of wealth.

The movie’s got a lot of glamour, but it’s structured as a sort of tragedy of the collapse of a family, and their loss of control of their business due to the vicissitudes of the market. It’s an apt fit for a holiday that is superficially cozy, but really a commemoration of colonization. Make everyone do a little reflection on that.

Reason 7: House of Gucci will give you all many inside jokes to reference.

Even if you don’t like the movie, you will be bonded by making fun of its most ridiculous moments (when Lady Gaga announces, “It’s taime to take out thee trash”; when Jared Leto does anything) and then get a whole new set of inside jokes to reference. Families need inside jokes and mutual shared references in order to survive, otherwise they would just have to talk to each other directly. No one wants that.

In conclusion, I am taking my family to see House of Gucci this Thanksgiving, so I’m just hoping this works out on my end.

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